We haven’t run a personality quiz in a long time, and that’s fine; it’s not something you want to overdo. These are popular on various sites like BuzzFeed, and are great for people who are unsure of their identity, or are looking for inspiration in their lives by finding out what kind of celebrity, Disney princess, or kitchen appliance they most resemble.
I realized that we haven’t run one of these to help determine what famous bluegrass song character you might be, so let’s give that a try. First, I wanted to mention a few characters we won’t be using in the test:
“Little Willie”: I just don’t like the idea of completing a quiz and finding out one is most like a homicidal psychopath, unable to handle rejection.
The same goes for “Pretty Polly”: I would hate to have people go through all the questions and think they’re destined to be stabbed in the heart, just for being a little too trusting of young men.
The guy from Old Home Place: I also don’t like having people find out they’re like a guy who makes bad decisions, runs away to Charlottesville, loses everything, and wishes he was dead in the end. It can be so discouraging.
Kyper (Kiper, Kuyper, Kyepurr) from Molly and Tenbrooks: we really don’t know much about this guy other than he’s apparently not a great jockey and should have just “let old Tenbrooks run.”
The guy in Rock Salt and Nails: that guy is just bitter and weird.
The quiz:
1. It’s Friday and you’re making plans. What’s your idea of a really fun weekend?
A. Take a stroll around the prison yard, then maybe write a song and hope someone sends it to someone with Nashville connections.
B. Hitchhike by yourself in the dark, then hope a kind person picks you up and takes you home.
C. Just keep working, occasionally stopping to brag about how strong you are and how good you are at your job.
D. Spend a few days riding that northern railroad.
E. Spend all weekend dancing and playing the banjo. You’re the life of the party.
2. Your philosophy of life can be summed up with this statement:
A. Travel the world and don’t go back to your home county, no matter how much you might miss it, especially if you happened to kill someone there.
B. The 13th time’s a charm.
C. Never try to prove you’re better than a machine.
D. Bidding farewell to your home state only leads to sorrow, which in some cases becomes constant.
E. Always be willing to dance if someone lays down cash or jewelry.
3. Your preferred outfit when it’s time to unwind and spend time with friends and family:
A. Informal pants and matching top, maybe something white with bold black horizontal stripes. You like to make a statement without standing out from the crowd.
B. A simple dress with leggings and a warm coat in case you’re stuck out in the elements, waiting for a ride.
C. Why change out of the tried and true overalls with no shirt? Work is your life. Your outfit should reflect that.
D. Faded jeans, worn jacket, and a broad-brimmed hat. Kind of a studied grizzled, almost sorrowful look. You might need to hop a freight train on short notice.
E. Short skirt, gingham top, clogging shoes.
4. How would your friends describe you?
A. Misunderstood. Someone who reacts badly to being stabbed for some unknown reason.
B. Dead.
C. A very very hard worker.
D. Just a stranger.
E. Good time gal. Hand her a dram glass and a banjo and she’ll get the party started.
5. What’s your recurring anxiety dream?
A. You’re on trial for murder and you forgot to hire a lawyer.
B. You finally make it home and are met at the door by two total strangers who have no idea who you are.
C. You’re attempting to drive spikes on the railroad and discover your hammer is made of foam rubber.
D. You decide to finally seek help and all the therapist ever says is, “Why all the sorrow? Is it really all that bad?”
E. You’re at a party where they’ve run out of moonshine, and no one will pay you to dance.
If you answered mostly A, you’re Willie from The Hills of Roane County. Writing songs is your creative outlet, and you’re not afraid to endure years of hardship.
If you answered mostly B, you’re Mary from Bringing Mary Home. Sometimes you just can’t ever go back home.
If you answered mostly C, you’re John Henry the steel-driving man. Don’t ever let anyone dare you to compete against a steam drill.
If you answered mostly D, you’re the Man of Constant Sorrow. Perhaps you’ll die upon this train.
If you answered mostly E, you’re Little Maggie. Your needs are simple: drink, dance, play the banjo, repeat.
If you answered a mixture of D and E, you’re Little Maggie of Constant Sorrow.
