Well, well, well . . . it’s been a long time since you heard from us. You probably thought that we had finally bit the dust and gone by the wayside. No such luck. We’d like to tell all of our friends that we have been working on a major new recording project featuring Ricky Skaggs and Allison Krauss. We’d also like to tell our friends that we have just returned from a standing-room-only tour of Japan and Korea and other parts of Asia. And, we’d like to tell our friends that we are scheduled to appear at the Grammy’s this year . . . we’d like to tell you that . . . we really would like to tell you that . . . but it just ain’t so. Actually we’ve been lounging around in our Sponge Bob boxers and knocking back pitchers of iced tea and plates of fried catfish. Yea, we’ve learned a few new songs and Fritz finally got moved into his new house and Willi is just getting back from vacation and Rex has been working as a lowly Census worker, but the reality is that we haven’t been doing much in the way of music (yea, yea we know what you’re saying right now so knock it off). The truth is, gigs have been hard to come by. We’ve had plenty of offers but we just have not been able to fit anything to our schedule so there it is.
However . . . the good news is that we have found a brand new niche market for our services. We have discovered that we have developed the amazing ability to force just about any establishment out of business. Yes, that’s right, we’re the Grim Reapers of the economic downturn. We played at M’s Fine & Mellow Cafe In Baton Rouge and they went out of business. We played at Chicago’s Steak House in Baton Rouge and they closed down. We played at Tasty Ribs & Things in Baton Rouge and now the building sits empty. We played at The Train Station Depot concerts in Denham Springs and they no longer do them. We played at The Cat House Internet Cafe in Hammond and right after, an arsonist burned it to the ground. And now, we don’t have to even play somewhere for calamity to occur. We were just scheduled to play at The Indy Coffee House in Hammond and they went out of business before our show. (As a side note, we did play at EPCOT last year and they are still open but Disney stock is down by 20% so it just is going to take a little longer with an organization of that size.) So now we would like to offer our services to you, the local business person. Do you have a competitor that is getting on your nerves and stealing your customers? Is that guy down the street taking your dinner crowd away by daring to serve better food than you? Is Larry’s Plumbing under bidding you on every toilet install in Denham? Who you gonna call? Call us!! Tell that lowlife that you want to offer them a chance to draw in a new crowd by offering a musical interlude for the enjoyment of their customers. Tell them that this is the secret of your success and out of the goodness of your heart, you want to share it *(The Fabulous Bagasse Boyz)* with them so they can also prosper. Tell ’em there’s plenty to go ’round for everybody. And give ’em our number . . . we’ll do the rest while you sit back with that all knowing smirk . . . they’ll go under in no time. Yea, that’s the ticket. Think of the new profits and the new customers (“Gee, I don’t know what happened, Bob was doing so well and then bang, he closed up shop. I just don’t understand . . . “).
Your pals (still looking for gigs, not quite desperate, but getting anxious . . .)
The Fabulous Bagasse Boyz
“Not ‘Yer Daddy’s Bluegrass . . .”