We love to make fun of millennials; you know, with their selfies of their own wedding proposals, their own baptisms, and their own gas station fill-ups; their inability to perform labor-intensive tasks like coal mining or voting. But of course the reason Gen-Xers and baby boomers do this is to try to distract millennials long enough that they’ll forget that it’s the older generations who saddled them with massive debt (both student and government), bottled water, the U.S. healthcare system, and the “Pickin’ On Duran Duran” album. We’ve generally wrecked a lot of stuff that was handed to us by the more competent generations before us and handed the resulting ruins to millennials as is, and then we act condescending and self-righteous when they seem self-absorbed and technology-dependent.
You know what, though? I’m going to make some millennial jokes anyway, because hey, they’re an easy target, and I have a deadline every Wednesday morning. And besides, I was encouraged by a millennial, one Ashby Frank of Darrell Brothers fame and Ashby Frank fame.
Ashby was thinking what the world needed was millennial adaptations of bluegrass standards. He threw out “One Way Uber” and “Little Tiny House on the Hill” to get me started. Then he had a more important text come in and that was the end of the conversation, but I really appreciated the idea.
A few millennial bluegrass future hits:
“Snapchat From My Darling”
“You Don’t Know My Password”
“Bile ‘Em Quinoa Down”
“Will the Text Thread Be Unbroken”
“Hot Kombucha Cold Kombucha”
“Bury Me Beneath the Starbucks”
“Raised By the Light Rail Line”
“I’m a Man of Constant Netflix”
“When You Stream Nothing At All”
“Every Time You Text Goodbye”
“I’m Lost But I’ll Google Maps the Way”
“Selfie on Top of the World”
“Bike Lane of Sorrow”
“More Whole Foods Than One”
“That Purple Haired Sister of Mine”
“Me and My Ukelele”
“Chai Gone Cold”
And last but not least, that Reno & Smiley chestnut:
To be fair, I was going to include some baby boomer parody bluegrass song titles here, too, but then I saw that three of this week’s Bluegrass Today top five songs have “train” in the title. I think that work has already been done for me.