You’ve probably seen the online quizzes published by Buzzfeed and other high-brow web sites which attempt to look deep into the intricacies of your personality and try, for example, to determine which Friends character you are, which Disney princess you are, which Avenger you are, or which member of the Senate Appropriations Committee you are.
You answer a series of questions, like:
It’s Saturday night, you would prefer to . . .
- Go dancing with friends.
- Watch TV or curl up with a good book (why is it always necessary to “curl up” with books?)
- Do volunteer work at an animal shelter.
- Do something to improve yourself, like read an owner’s manual or learn all the verses to Barbara Allen.
Your answers will help determine if you’re a Cinderella or more of a Belle, or more of a Marco Rubio than a Joe Manchin.
I always thought of these surveys as another harmless way to waste time at an office job, and there’s a lot to be said for that, since there are now countless harmful ways to avoid whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing.
I was disappointed to learn, though, that many of these quizzes are nothing more than another ploy to mine and sell your personal information. If this bothers you, just give some uncharacteristic answers to these quizzes, and the next time you see an Amazon ad on your screen promoting snowshoes—though you live in Florida—you’ll have the last laugh on these info-miners (“Please Daddy don’t go to the info mine today . . .”).
Naturally, I would like to see a bluegrass-oriented personality quiz, but it appears that I’m just going to have to make one up, so here’s a test to help you find out which 1946-47 Blue Grass Boy you are:
Pick a favorite color:
D. Whatever color my suit is today
Pick a favorite song:
A. Orange Blossom Special
B. On My Mind
C. Dear Old Dixie
D. Mule Skinner Blues
E. Honky Tonkin’
F. Wagon Wheel
What do you look for in a mate:
A. A good cook
B. A good kisser
C. A good head for business
D. A good dancer
E. A good sense of humor
F. A valid drivers license
Your ideal first date is:
A. A square dance
B. A night at the movies
C. A romantic evening in which at some point I get to play my banjo
D. A romantic evening on a bus
E. Eating pizza in a recording studio
F. A night in adjoining jail cells
I’m happiest when I’m wearing . . .
A. A blue dress and glass slippers
B. Something colorful and flowing
C. Feet I exchanged for my singing voice
D. A fringed buckskin dress
E. A purple dress and really really long hair
F. An off-the-shoulder yellow dress, with a book in one hand
Those might have been borrowed from a “Which Disney Princess Are You?” quiz. Let’s try that again:
I’m happiest when I’m wearing . . .
A. A suit with a rhinestone or two; I like a little flash
B. A sharp suit and a hat cocked at just the right angle
C. As long as I’m playing music, I’m not that concerned about what I’m wearing
D. Jodphurs and riding boots
E. A clown outfit
F. A T-shirt that says, “It’s Happy Hour Somewhere”
If you answered mostly A, you’re Chubby Wise. You have a winning smile and a lot of swing. You add the spice to any stew you’re in. You might be from Florida.
If you answered mostly B, you’re Lester Flatt. You command the stage of life in a subtle way and a style all your own. You sometimes sing out of the side of your mouth.
If you answered mostly C, you’re Earl Scruggs. While a little shy, you’re immensely talented and focused. Your world is a 3-finger roll over 4 beats and you like it that way.
If you answered mostly D, you’re Bill Monroe. You’re creative and a natural leader, and whether it’s draft horses or musicians, you have the attention and loyalty of those around you. Sometimes you reward them with money and/or oats.
If you answered mostly E, you’re Howard Watts but also Cedric Rainwater, and you easily make the transition from one persona to the other as life demands. You’re the serious musician and the comedian, the bronc rider and the rodeo clown, the executive and the executive’s goofy brother with the blackened tooth.
If you answered mostly F, you’re not a Blue Grass Boy at all; you’re a drunk fan.