In this general feeling of turning a corner, seeing light at the end of the tunnel, and whatever other hopeful clichés, we can attach to the year 2022, we’re all at least looking forward. Recently I advocated acquiring some self-awareness first, and so we tried to determine what your favorite bluegrass song says about your personality. I’ll be honest that as I reflect on it a bit later, I didn’t find it all that helpful, especially since my favorite bluegrass song is the Stanley Brothers’ How Far to Little Rock, and according to this system of self-analysis, it just means that I’m not “very far from a fool.”
Back in the spring we tried some Buzzfeed-style personality quizzes. You know the kind: “Which Disney Princess Are You?,” “Which Ice Cream Flavor Are You?,” or “Which Discredited Politician Are You?,” etc. In that vein, as a way to gain deeper insight into your character, I thought we’d try to ascertain what your bluegrass spirit animal is.
When it comes to bluegrass spirit animals we have a pretty wide selection, but I’ve narrowed it down to six choices:
Fox (on the run)
Dreadful snake (“Little Girl and the . . .”)
Tenbrooks (For horses, it was either Tenbrooks or the Tennessee Stud. No one wants Molly as a spirit animal since she died in the middle of the big race).
Pig (in a pen)
To determine which bluegrass spirit animal is yours, answer the following questions:
It’s Saturday night. Your idea of a perfect evening activity is . . .
A. Just running free, unconstrained. You’ve been cooped up and held back all week.
B. Staying home and eating everything in the refrigerator stirred into one giant bowl and covered with sour milk.
C. Enjoying nature by walking through the corn leading down to the river.
D. Staying underground until the sun is out.
E. Staying at home, watching a sad movie or reading a book that makes you cry.
F. Going out to a bar, hissing at people, occasionally biting someone in the leg.
When it comes to relationships your ideal mate is . . .
A. Someone who isn’t too much of a fast-mover. You don’t want anyone who would show you up in competitions.
B. A great cook, someone who will feed you filling meals regularly. Being little and pretty is a bonus.
C. Someone with hair that shines like gold, but who might also leave you to die. You enjoy taking the risk.
D. Someone who will praise you when you come out to greet the world and who won’t shoot you.
E. Someone who is content to listen to your sad songs.
F. Someone you can intimidate and control. Someone you can scare the crap out of just for fun.
People say your best quality is . . .
A. Your strong and shapely legs.
B. Your appetite, your intelligence, and your cool demeanor. You never sweat the small stuff; in fact you never sweat at all.
C. Your attractive tail and your impressive night vision.
D. Your ability to predict the weather, and your ability to not care if your predictions are wrong.
E. Your singing voice, and the fact that you can empathize with others’ sorrow.
F. You’re often not seen.
You’re backstage and your show is delayed. To kill time, you . . .
A. Pace back and forth. You’re ready to run right out there!
B. Gorge on the green room snacks.
C. Just leave and go on a hunting trip.
D. Stand in front of a lamp and admire your shadow.
E. Warm your voice up by softly humming Come All Ye Tender Hearted
F. Try to make the stage manager faint.
Your favorite morning meal is . . .
A. Oats and maybe an apple.
B. Also oats, plus eggs, biscuits and gravy, buttermilk, beans, a loaf of bread, onions, leftovers from the night before, and more biscuits and gravy. All of the above can be blended into a smoothie or served as is.
C. Two or three chickens.
D. A green salad with some slugs or snails on top.
E. You’re fond of a high fiber start to the day. Cracked corn or millet, uncooked, is always good.
F. A mouse, swallowed whole.
If you answered mostly “A” you’re Tenbrooks the racehorse. You don’t do so well when others are holding you back, but once those reigns are let loose, you know how to leave your competition in the dust, sometimes even in coffins ready-made.
If you answered mostly “B” you’re a pig (in a pen). You’re very domestic and content with your surroundings as long as you’re given plenty of comfort food, which is all food, really. Though you love your home, now and then you yearn to run out through an open gate and clear a field with your nose.
If you answered mostly “C” you’re a fox (on the run). You’ve been burned by a few bad relationships in the past, people who left you looking for a place to hide. You’re attractive and popular but you’re tired of being chased by dogs.
If you answered mostly “D” you’re a groundhog. You sleep a lot in the winter and would rather keep to yourself, but you love making a grand entrance when the time is right. You have the ability to see into the future, six weeks into the future at any rate.
If you answered mostly “E” you’re a white dove. You’re pretty melancholy, doing quite a bit of mourning in sorrow, which tends to get old at parties, but people do appreciate your cooing.
If you answered mostly “F” you’re a snake. I’m sure I could find a way to put this more diplomatically, but you’re awful and dreadful. Work on being more approachable instead of biting the hand that feeds you and making little girls scream.